dirty, sweaty, stinky beauty

beautiful people everyone!

hi :)

typing this from haven's budget motel in franklin, north carolina....100 miles and 1 state down....2,076 miles and 13 states to go. as every moment passes i become more and more convinced that this is something i can, perhaps, actually do. it has only been a week and a half, but i am coming along nicely on my walkabout.

i can't type much...and i apologize that these posts are so sparce. i must admit, even after a week, it feels weird and stupid to be spending time in front of a computer when i could be outside in the glorious NC nighttime heat, laying on the sidewalk in front of the hotel rooms talking to a group of friends i have just made and feel closer to than i ever have with anyone before. strange, i know.

the woods are beautiful. sometimes i can hardly believe it. my friend sarah started crying the other day when we topped Albert mountain---our first 5,000 footer---and, i must say, our tears were common. the view was insane. it was a strange moment--for the first time i was looking out at something so much huger than me, so much more important, so much grander and so overwhelming, and, this time, i didn't feel insignificant. i didn't feel lost and i didn't feel pointless; as i stood atop the mountain with a group of strangers bonded together by a common drive to do something extraordinary, as i felt the dirt and grime on my legs, the sweat on my back and bruises on my hips, as i realized i'd been wearign the same outfit for four days in a row and i'd forgotten to brush my teeth for two, as i was aware of all these things and all this beauty all at once, i looked out at the world and felt, for the first time, as if i was truly part of something.

guys, i love you. and i miss you. and i will see you soon. you should take a walk somewhere. apparently, its good for your soul.

oh, my gosh, thank you all so much for the messages/comments! you don't know how much they mean to me....i wish i could write yoyu all individually....i wish i could hug you all...i love you. thank you.

wishing you happiness,
beck

"i look out over the mountains and i feel....full"
--Sarge, 3 time AT thru-hiker

'allo lovelies

the pool table is covered with socks, tents, mosquito coils, soap, rain gear, soy protein, fleece, wool, medical supplies, sleeping bags, insect repellent, matches, stoves, notebooks, pens, books, pots and pans and forks and knives, ponies!!!! (not really), headlamps, t-shirts, pocketknives, clif bars, rope, cell phones, underwear, zip-loc bag, compasses and every kind of food you can think of, as long as its dehydrated, and i suppose i'm ready for a walk in the wilderness. and, as much as purchasing and trying to choose all these supplies nearly killed me (i'm a terrible planner) and did not leave me devoid of a few irrational mental breakdowns (those i'm good at), the beauty and sheer wonder of what i'm attempting to do have not escaped me. i am so lucky. so excited. so terrified. here i go, walking away from it all. walking to find myself, walking to lose myself, walking just to walk. walking in the rain, in the sun, and in the snow? i don't know. just walking.

tomorrow, dad will take me to georgia and sunday i'll stride valiantly off into the wilderness, hoping to end up six months and two thousand miles later on top of a mountain in maine. i would say what mountain but, alas, i don't know how to spell it. ah yes, i'm prepared for this.

its going to be funny, i can feel it. i'm relatively unfamiliar with my gear (i nearly cut my trip very short in a flaming ball of fire today when i attempted to light the stove), i don't know how to pack my pack, i've put up my tent twice, i'm out of shape and, most dreadfully, i know nothing about bear wrasslin'. i've decided to view all of these things with a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my lips. you can either freak out about it, or you can laugh about it and, since i've already done the freaking out, i guess i've only got one more option. so, haha! i don't know what i'm doing and i haven't done all the planning and i might have to live off of fruit leather for days at a time and i might be a little cold and i might trip and fall down and my pack might be lopsided but, damnit, i'm gonna love it. every single minute. this is going to be the hugest learning experience of my life--every step of the way. i'm taking it a day at a time, the end of the trail is not the goal, the next step ahead is. i'm so lucky to have this opportunity--so lucky--and i'd be a dumb shit not to at least try to enjoy every second of it. i have a lot of healing to do and a lot of learning to do and a lot of changing to do and a lot of, well, walking to do. maybe i'll find my soul out there.

so, onward, say i. onward.


i'll try to update this blog as often as i can---hopefully at least a couple people will read it. i'm convinced there's at least one person out there who would appreciate validation that, yes, indeed, becka is still living. i don't know yet what the computer status will be on the trail---no, steph, there aren't internet cafes beside every shelter on the trail :)--but i'll write something whenever i can. please call, i'll have my phone adn will check messages as often as possible too. i like being alone, obviously, no one who thrives off social interation would willingly wander off into the woods by themselves unless they had a drastic mental breakdown, but i like knowing that i'm loved, too. everyone does, really. that is, i suppose, what it's all about.

so, until future notice, adieu, i wish you sparkles and sunshine and puppies and love and happiness.





p.s. tomorrow i'm eating cake for breakfast.